Comfort, not Criticism

Believe it or not, but I actually plan to keep my relationship mostly out of this blog. We’re in this really special time where everything is sweet and exciting and I want to keep that just for us. But my boyfriend has been so wonderful and I feel like he deserves a little recognition.

The wonderful thing about Daniel is that he never makes me feel like a burden. In the past I’ve felt like I couldn’t fully share my thoughts or emotions for fear of starting a fight, but I can be totally honest with him. He is incredible at assessing a situation and figuring out exactly what I need.

I think the first time I got weirdly emotional/crabby with Daniel was on our way home from a weekend trip to New York. We had some minor travel speedbumps and upon finally reaching the airport, I was feeling very tired and hangry. After failing to decide what to eat and reluctantly retreating to our terminal, I broke down. I was tired and frustrated and just needed to cry. But sweet Daniel handled it like a champ. Instead of getting mad or frustrated, he calmly went to grab food for us. He left, gave me a minute to pull my shit together, and came back with dinner. It was a simple act, but I feel like I saw his true character in that moment. He was as equally tired and frustrated, but pushed that aside to care for me. It was so selfless and I won’t forget that.

A couple weeks ago I had a weird day where I was just an emotional trainwreck. I hadn’t slept the night before and after spending the whole day cooped up in my house, I was a hot mess. When Daniel came over that evening, I just let it all out and started crying. Once again, he handled it perfectly. He gave me a big hug, walked around the block with me, and then took me to get Chinese food and cookie dough. We actually had concert tickets for that night, but staying in with him ended up being exactly what I needed.

It’s so nice being with someone who is so patient and kind. When I’m upset, he doesn’t get mad or tell me to “just be happy.” He holds my hand and somehow knows how to make me feel better. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not upset and crying all the time. It’s just nice to know that when those moments come up, I can open up and be unafraid.

I know it’s all new still, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt supported like this before. Daniel pushes me to be a better person. Rather than making me feel like a complacent loser, he talks to me about my passions. Instead of calling me fat, we go to the gym together. He doesn’t judge me on the days I just want a burger and a Coke. He eats up my cooking and doesn’t criticize it. He never pushes, just encourages. And for that, I am so grateful.

It’s crazy seeing all your demons from the past come to the surface. It’s the new and healthy relationships that help open your eyes to everything that was wrong in the past. When you finally find someone who treats you well, you can see exactly what was wrong before. Recovering from abuse is really difficult and I’m still trying to unlearn those things from my past. But lucky for me, I’ve found someone who handles it all with grace.

All this to say that I’m feeling really lucky these days. For the first time in a long time, I feel safe, supported, and loved. There’s no way to know what will happen, but I’ve got a good feeling about this one.

Sad Girl Song – Ordinary by Copeland

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