Respect and Breakfast
I’m about 3 weeks from moving out of California, so it seemed appropriate to write this goodbye story about a dear friend.
Sam was my first tinder date nearly 4 years ago. Our first few dates we great. We were checking out cool bars, going to concerts, and making out in the backseat of my car like teenagers. I wasn’t really feeling a spark, but we were having fun and I wanted to give it a shot.
Our third date was one for the books. He told me to get dressed up and meet him at his place in LA. We would start the night at a 1920’s themed speakeasy, continue to a cuban speakeasy which required a reservation, and then conclude the night at a little punk dive bar. The first bar, the Edison, was breathtakingly beautiful. I actually felt like we were in the Great Gatsby. Our cocktails went down smoothly as we watched acrobats floating above us. The next bar was equally amazing. After giving our names to the doorman, we were greeted by a woman who opened a wardrobe, pushed some jackets aside, and led us down into the Cuban speakeasy. Our handcrafted cocktails and the lingering cigar smell perfectly complimented the Latin music and burlesque dancers. We ended the night at a dive bar where we held each other close and danced to reggae music. The night came to an end and we went back to his place, where we kissed and fooled around before falling asleep.
We woke up the next morning in pain, but laughing about the fun night before. We stumbled downstairs and Sam made me breakfast before I hit the road. When he walked me to my car that morning, I suddenly felt like I was never going to see him again. His body language changed and I wasn’t even sure he was going to kiss me goodbye. He gave me a quick kiss and I left feeling perplexed.
I didn’t hear from Sam a whole lot after that night, but I somehow found myself at his apartment again a few weeks later. I was getting the vibe that he didn’t actually want to date me, but I had so much fun the last time and wanted to hang out again. I don’t remember what we did that night, but the same pattern ensued: We had a fun night out, came home drunk, fooled around, and fell asleep. The morning came and the flirting was over, but he didn’t rush me out the door. He made me breakfast and I can vividly remember sitting in his den listening to Noah Gundersen on vinyl. I thought about how wonderful this would be if we actually really liked each other.
I didn’t really understand how booty calls worked at this point and was so confused by what was happening. We weren’t having sex, he wasn’t cuddling or kissing me goodbye, but he would let me hang out and cook me breakfast in the morning. I called my friend Janine on my drive home, totally confused and she said “Hey, at least there’s respect and breakfast.”
And throughout the years, that has been our thing. Respect and breakfast. In those periods where we are both single, we have always found a way back to one another. I’ll get a random text or call from Sam and he’ll come over. There have been a few times where I made the late night trek up to LA. Sam and I have the same taste in music and he became one of my favorite show buddies. We’ll hang out, make out, and then make breakfast together in the morning. There’s no kiss goodbye and no expectations. And somehow I’ve been okay with that.
What’s nice is that Sam has also been a good friend to me. There have been too many times where I ended up crying on his chest about wanting the real thing and he would just hold me and talk me through it. I sad text Sam after getting dumped last year and he reassured my crazy mind and told me I would find someone. As silly as it is, sometimes a girl just needs to hear that from a guy. Your girlfriends will tell you all day long that you’re perfect and no guy is good enough, but hearing it from a guy friend is something special.
Booty calls are a weird thing and I still don’t really know how I feel about them. This is the only situation like this I have ever been in and I think it worked because there were no romantic feelings involved. I care about Sam a lot, but I didn’t want to date him and knew he didn’t want to date me. We also didn’t see each other too often. I think if these events were closer together, I probably would have gotten weird and developed feelings.
I don’t see myself getting into another situation like this, but I learned a lot through my friendship with Sam. We had fun and were safe and respected one another. I never felt used or taken advantage of when I was with him. In those times where I was lonely and just needed some male attention, he was there for me. We definitely had late night texts and 2am encounters, but we also genuinely enjoyed hanging out together. The concerts, Knott’s Scary Farm trips, and nights out in LA with Sam are some of my favorite memories.
Sam has been in a relationship for a few months now, so we don’t talk a whole lot anymore. As much as I miss my friend and show buddy, I know things have to be different. And that’s okay. He’s a good man and deserves to be happy with a great girl. I think he has finally found the one and that’s all I could ever want for him.
Sad Girl Song – Ledges by Noah Gundersen
I’ve got a lot of good friends keeping me distracted, keeping my sanity safe.