What in the hell is ghosting?
Dating online can get a little messy. If you’ve ever used an app to find a date, you know this to be true. While the app approach to dating makes some things easier (meeting people with similar interests), it can make other things way more difficult (like deciphering if someone is a complete garbage human or not). This brings me to the men I dated last summer. The first was named Kyle. Kyle is completely insignificant but in order to hear about Kevin, I have to tell you about his best friend first.
Kyle was handsome, arrogant, slightly less intelligent than a bottom-feeding sea creature, and a Republican. Needless to say, we didn’t last long…maybe about a month? But during that month, I spent a lot of time with Kyle’s best friend Kevin. I am only a little embarrassed to say I developed a crush on Kevin that rivaled my middle school days. Now don’t get me wrong – I’m completely aware this wasn’t my most ethical summer of dating…but you didn’t see Kevin. He was tall, loved the same music I did, and appealed to all the messy parts of my heart that I thought I left behind in college. You know, where bad boys are good and a little swagger goes a long way.
As soon as I ended things with Kyle, I started spending almost everyday with Kevin. We would hang out and watch movies, listen to music, and talk until 4am. We did this for weeks. There wasn’t a day I was apart from him. I thought this guy and I were the real deal. Summer came to an end and we were still going strong right into the Fall when I had trip to Paris coming up. One week before I was scheduled to leave for Paris, something changed.
It was a Tuesday morning and we did our usual morning text convo back and forth. We agreed we would see each other that night. And then… I legit never heard from him again. Now I know what you’re thinking, “that asshole ghosted.” And you’re not wrong. But at the time I had no idea what “ghosting” even was. For the first 72 hours, I thought he was dead or had been in some horrible accident. By Friday, my girlfriends were starting to say the dreaded words, “honey, I don’t think Kevin is dead… I think he is ghosting you.” What in the hell is ghosting? It felt unbelievable to me that someone could do that to another human.
I couldn’t believe this ghosting bullshit was real. How could it be? We were great! I did what every woman in my position would do: I got completely wasted, cried into my Mexican food, and contacted the only human on Earth that might know if Kevin was alive….Kyle. Kyle had no interest in helping me. He took that opportunity to skewer me for dating his best friend (not undeserved) to which I spit fire from my mouth, hung up the phone, and sobbed in my kitchen while my roommate stood nearby worrying that this might be enough to stop me from going to Paris in just a few days.
Well, I did go to Paris and that beautiful city healed me up in ways I can only mark as miraculous. I survived but I still never heard from Kevin.
Flash forward to February. Five months had passed since everything happened with Kevin and I was on my way to a job interview in Northern California when I got the phone call. It was a woman on the other end and when she asked me who I was and why my number was blocked in her boyfriend’s phone. I knew exactly what happened. Meet Kylie, Kevin’s girlfriend of two years. Kylie and I shared how we both knew Kevin and compared notes. Turns out he not only ghosted on me, but had been cheating on Kylie the entire time he was seeing me.
I wish I had some life lesson to end this post with, but the truth is the only thing I really learned from this experience is that some humans are complete pieces of dog shit. Sometimes the best way to deal is hop on a plane to a foreign land and remember that the world is bigger than it seems.
Happy dating fellow onliners!
Sad Girl Song – Victim to Charm by Wild Child